1.
"Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."
"Don’t give up on your dreams. Keep sleeping."
2.
"I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, and the walls are bullies."
"I’m not clumsy; the floor hates me, and the walls are bullies."
3.
"Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."
"Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."
4.
"I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: younger."
"I finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: younger."
5.
"I’m not a complete idiot—some pieces are missing."
"I’m not a complete idiot—some pieces are missing."
6.
"I don’t need a motivational quote. I need coffee."
"I don’t need a motivational quote. I need coffee."
7.
"I’m not shy; I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you."
"I’m not shy; I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you."
8.
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."
9.
"Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems."
"Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems."
10.
"I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me."
"I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me."
11.
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
"I have a fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it."
12.
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."
"I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food."
13.
"Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets."
"Life’s too short to fold fitted sheets."
14.
"I told my therapist about my fear of overly complicated buildings. She said I need to work on my complex issues."
"I told my therapist about my fear of overly complicated buildings. She said I need to work on my complex issues."
15.
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
"I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right."
16.
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
"I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong."
17.
"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."
"Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one."
18.
"I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed."
"I’m not lazy. I’m just very relaxed."
19.
"Some people wake up looking like a million bucks. I wake up looking like loose change."
"Some people wake up looking like a million bucks. I wake up looking like loose change."
20.
"Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting."
"Being an adult is just walking around wondering what you’re forgetting."
21.
"Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk."
"Life’s not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re probably drunk."
22.
"The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!"
"The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep!"
23.
"I’d like to thank my arms for always being by my side."
"I’d like to thank my arms for always being by my side."
24.
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
"I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it."
25.
"I accidentally took the wrong medication today, and now I’m speaking fluent sarcasm."
"I accidentally took the wrong medication today, and now I’m speaking fluent sarcasm."
26.
"Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters."
"Don’t worry if plan A fails; there are 25 more letters."
27.
"I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed."
"I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed."
28.
"I have nothing against sleep. It’s the waking up part I can’t stand."
"I have nothing against sleep. It’s the waking up part I can’t stand."
29.
"It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it."
"It’s funny how nobody notices what you do until you don’t do it."
30.
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
Tags:
quotes
