1.
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer.I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu.He says, “No, WTF man!? Are you asking becau
2.
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where a politician happened to appear.
The politician took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
‘Would you mind te
3.
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.aint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdo
4.
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-RoyceThe driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that's a nice carYou got a phone in your Rolls? I've got one in my Yugo!”The driver of Rolls
5.
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
Dog’s Letters to God
Dear God:
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one another? Where are their priorities?
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?
Excuse me, but why are there cars nam
6.
Some boy scouts are sitting around a camp fire and begin to tell some jokes.
The first one lets out a chuckle and says, “13”.
The rest of the scouts chuckle and another says, “Heh, 6”.
This gets a good laugh from most of them and a third replies
Some boy scouts are sitting around a camp fire and begin to tell some jokes.
The first one lets out a chuckle and says, “13”.
The rest of the scouts chuckle and another says, “Heh, 6”.
This gets a good laugh from most of them and a third replies
7.
Little Mary was not the best student in school. Usually, she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
“Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?”
When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seat
Little Mary was not the best student in school. Usually, she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
“Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?”
When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seat
8.
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
For the umpteenth time MrsJones told her pastor,“I'm so scared! My husband says he's going to kill me if I continue to come to your church.”“Yes, yes, my child,” replied the pastor, tired of hearing this before.“I will continue to pray for you, MrsJonesHa
9.
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
One of the priests said, “Sometimes it feels like such a burden to always be the one who listens to other people's problems – I can only talk about my sins with the bishop, and he just visits once a year…”The others nodded in agreementSuddenly, one of the
10.
Help In The OfficeA new employee stands before a paper shredder looking confused.“Need some help?” a secretary asks.“Yes,” replies the newcomer“How does this thing work?”“Simple,” she says, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shred
Help In The OfficeA new employee stands before a paper shredder looking confused.“Need some help?” a secretary asks.“Yes,” replies the newcomer“How does this thing work?”“Simple,” she says, taking the fat report from his hand and feeding it into the shred
11.
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
After 37 years of marriage Jake dumped his wife for his Young secretary.His new girlfriend demanded that they live in Jake and Edith's multi million dollar home and since the man's lawyers were a little better he prevailed.He gave Edith his now ex-wife ju
12.
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher.She was going around in turn asking them all questions.“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”“It goes moo.”“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”“It goes meow.”“Jamie, what sound does a lamb
A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher.She was going around in turn asking them all questions.“Davy, what noise does a cow make?”“It goes moo.”“Alice, what noise does a cat make?”“It goes meow.”“Jamie, what sound does a lamb
13.
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautifulShe left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistakeHe thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.So he knocked on the door to cla
A blonde heard that baths in milk would make her beautifulShe left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistakeHe thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons.So he knocked on the door to cla
14.
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
“Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positiv
An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.
He put a sign up outside that said:
“Get your treatment for $500 – if not cured get back $1,000.”
Doctor “Young,” who was positiv
15.
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
… complaining about their biggest regrets on getting old.The first old man said, “I'd give anything to take a good piss like I did when I was young. Every morning I get up it takes me 5 minutes to take a piss, and then it's only a small dribble.”The seco
16.
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
Late in the night, Jim, a Marine, finally regained consciousness.He was in hospital, in agonizing pain.He found himself in the ICU with tubes in his mouth, needles and IV drips in both arms, a breathing mask, wires monitoring every function, and a gorge
17.
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
Wife: Doing her makeup early morning straight out from BedHusband: Are you crazyWife: Just shut up, I need to unlock my phone.Its on face recognition feature and it is not recognizing me.Husband: Laughing Loudly
18.
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
Two blondes decide to go duck hunting.
Neither one of them has ever been duck hunting before and after several hours they still haven’t bagged any.
One hunter looks at the other and says “I just don’t understand it.
Why aren’t we getting any duck
19.
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
An elderly man told his wife, Honey we have done everything in our life except ride in an aeroplane.
Let’s do it, she said ok.
They went to the airport and after much bargaining with the owner of an open-top plane, the pilot/owner said,
I’ll take
20.
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
They are seated and after browsing the menu they both decide to order the soup of the day.When the waiter brings their soup the man knocks his spoon on the floor.“Whoops,” he says and turns to the waiter, “I'm terribly sorry but could I have another…”The
21.
There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty.
The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her b*obs would increase by one size.
So t
There once was a girl who wasn’t feeling very pretty so she went to a genie to make her pretty.
The genie told her that to make her feel pretty, he would make it so that every time someone apologized to her her b*obs would increase by one size.
So t
22.
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
A lady walks into a pet store.She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBOThe lady asks the pet shop owner, “Why so cheap?”The owner says “This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things.”The lady can't pass u
23.
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.They made a decision, one day to make it,..“yesterday once more”.They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.The next day, Grandpa go
24.
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering, “Mexican's have THREE problems.”Just a few moments later the Mexicans surround him and say, “Hey, you know what you're wearing is insulting?”The Texan responds, “This is your first problem: You're so easily o
25.
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
Whispering firmly to the dying man, the priest said,“Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!”The dying man said nothing.The priest repeated his order.Still the dying man said nothing.The priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denou
26.
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror.However, this does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.Then one day, fresh out of the shower, she
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror.However, this does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.Then one day, fresh out of the shower, she
27.
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
An art teacher, a math teacher, and a science teacher are all arguing over which one of them is the smartest.
The art teacher shows the others a giant clay sculpture of a dog he made.
“This thing took me nearly a month to make.” He said. “Clearly th
28.
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
Three Scotsmen were sitting in a bar together.
When I die, said the old Scot, I would like one of you to pour a bottle of the best Scottish whisky over my grave.
We will do that for you, said one of the younger men.
But do you mind if it passes t
29.
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
30.
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
A little lizard is walking through the Australian bush when a voice calls“Hey lizard”The lizard looks up and perched in the tree is a koala smoking a joint.“Come on up and join me in a joint”So the lizard climbs the tree and the koala rolls him a joint an
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