1.
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
Husband and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.Husband gets up in a rage and says, “And you are not good in bed either,” and storms out of the house.After sometime he realizes he was awful and decides to make amends and rings her up.She co
2.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink.Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was.When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gu
3.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom.
Mother is on top of father.
Suddenly the son enters the bedroom.
Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says,
“I’ll tell you about wh
4.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.”
“What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?”
“Well,
5.
… and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.“Woah woah woah… what gives?!”, the man says.The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.“I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and fo
… and his wife immediately starts smacking him, left and right across the face, cursing.“Woah woah woah… what gives?!”, the man says.The smacking intensifies briefly, and then she let's up.“I picked up your coat from the dry cleaners earlier today, and fo
6.
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your paradeSo remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing, and cares less, tries to make your life miserable.A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her
7.
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
A trio of old veterans were bragging and jokes about the heroic exploits of their ancestors one afternoon down at the VFW hall.
“My great grandfather, at age 13,” one declared proudly, “was a drummer boy at Shiloh.”
“Mine,” boasts another, “went dow
8.
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
Ted comes home blackout drunk, as he does most nights.
With his eyes barely open, he misses his friend Carl in bed with his wife. He lies down and instantly passes out.
Carl panics and tries to run but the wife stops him and whispers: “Don’t go, thi
9.
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
St. Peter and Satan were having an argument one day about baseball.
Satan proposed a game to be played on neutral grounds between a select team from the heavenly host and his own hand-picked boys.
“Very well,” said the gatekeeper of Heaven.
“But
10.
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversaryA lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”“How wonderful!” Josephine says.Isabelle responds, “That's nice, real nice.”Josephine t
Eliza says to the other two, “You know girls, my husband bought me the most wonderful jewelry for our anniversaryA lavish diamond necklace and some beautiful earrings.”“How wonderful!” Josephine says.Isabelle responds, “That's nice, real nice.”Josephine t
11.
There was an Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.The captain said to them your getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I'll give you something to go in with.So the English
There was an Englishman, Scottishman and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates.The captain said to them your getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I'll give you something to go in with.So the English
12.
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
The librarian handed the chicken a book and the bird left.Ten minutes later, the chicken returned, tossed the book on the desk and said: ‘book, book, book, book'.The librarian handed the chicken a different book and the chicken left.Ten minutes later, the
13.
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
Two friends went to interview for the same job.
They were both in the waiting area when the first friend got called for his interview.
The second friend gave him a thumbs-up as he headed into the interview room.
The interviewer reviewed the man’s
14.
Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavatedThe friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.It is through this entrance that they find a sec
Upon arriving at the pyramid, they are immediately told to leave as the site has already been excavatedThe friends, not willing to concede, look for a different way in and find an entrance never before used.It is through this entrance that they find a sec
15.
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
Two zebras are talking and one asks the other,
“Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?”
The other replies, “Well I don’t know.
You should pray to God about that and ask him.” So that night he did
and God replied, “You are w
16.
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
“Mommy,” the little girl asks, “How old are you?”“Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,” the mother replied“It's not polite.”“OK”, the little girl says, “How much do you weigh?”“Now really,” the mother says, “Those are personal questions and
17.
Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest!
1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be
Note: We love both dogs and cats, this is just in jest!
1. Dogs will tilt their heads and try to understand every word you say. Cats will ignore you and take a nap.
2. Cats look silly on a leash.
3. When you come home from work, your dog will be
18.
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
Two math professors are in a restaurantOne argues that the average person does not know any math beyond high school.The other argues that the average person knows some more advanced mathJust then, the first one gets up to use the rest room.The second prof
19.
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him.“WelcomeYou are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully.”Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, “Who really shot Kennedy?”God replies, “Lee Harvey Oswald
20.
Jane and Erica are Talking in Heaven How did you die?”Jane asks Erica.She replies, “I froze to death.”“Oh, that's terrible!” says Jane.“It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling,just before you black out.How did you die
Jane and Erica are Talking in Heaven How did you die?”Jane asks Erica.She replies, “I froze to death.”“Oh, that's terrible!” says Jane.“It wasn't too bad, after a while you start to get a sort of peaceful feeling,just before you black out.How did you die
21.
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
A mobile phone on a bench rings, and a man puts the phone on speaker and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.Man: “Hello?”Woman: “Honey, its me. Are you at the club?”Man: “Yes.”Woman: “I'm at the mall n
22.
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?”
“No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing?
Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a famil
23.
The Lamaze class was in full swing.The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher“Walking is esp
The Lamaze class was in full swing.The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, and informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.“Ladies, exercise is good for you,” announced the teacher“Walking is esp
24.
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
Mike was driving home from a long business trip in Northern Arizona, when he saw an elderly Navajo man walking on the side of the road.As the trip was a long and quiet one, he stopped the car and asked the Navajo man if he would like a ride.With a silent
25.
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
An Irishman was drinking in a bar in London when he gets a call on his cell phone.He orders drinks for everybody in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced a typical Irish baby boy weighing 25 pounds.Nobody can believe that any new baby can wei
26.
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
Three guys were sitting in a biker bar.A man came in, already drunk, sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.The man looked around and saw the 3 men sitting at a corner table.He got up, staggered to the table, leaned over, looked the biggest one in the fa
27.
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would trans
A man took his pregnant wife to the hospital.
The doctor looked her over and told them it would be a rather difficult delivery.
He offered to let the couple try an experimental procedure.
The woman would be connected to a machine that would trans
28.
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl.
The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.”
The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl
29.
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
… and said to him, “Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.”The art collector replied, “I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first.”The attorney said, “Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000
30.
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
These three guys die together in a tragic accident and they all go to heavenWhen they get there, StPeter greets them and tells them, “We only have one rule here in heavenDon't step on the ducks.”So, they enter heaven and sure enough, there are ducks all o
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eng-jokes
